she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Randomize
