having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
