I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
