Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
