Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
i dont even know how to be here
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
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