just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
