So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
