how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
