Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
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