he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I think my moral compass just broke
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
