She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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