hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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