he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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