If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
