I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
oh god the rape fog is back!
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
