I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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