Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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