I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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