allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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