I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
