I have demons in me.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
