you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Michael Bay diarrhea
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
