so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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