Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Randomize
