yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
