If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
You did what with his pubic hair?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
