Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
