I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
