Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
