dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
