I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Farmville is her only friend.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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