He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize