So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
