i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
