It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
you made out with another girl for some wings
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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