My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
