oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
