if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
