he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
