You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
