just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
