I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
