Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
We need to rekindle our bromance
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
