remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
