Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
