I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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