I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
