she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
