Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Dick very happy bro
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
