So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
two words: eviction party
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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