She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
