My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
