I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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