my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize
