I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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