Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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