trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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