I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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