The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
