Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
