We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
high people should be assigned attendants
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
