So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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