mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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