How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
