Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
