it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
