he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
