plz talk dirty to me
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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