.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Randomize
