Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
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