You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
