is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
