there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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